The days blur into each other. Not much to report in the life of Kirsten.
No homework or school projects, no concerts or performances coming up, few friend visits to brighten my day-but no big social events to gossip about, no boyfriend or boy related things to think about or look forward to, no interesting stories to tell about what I learned in the world today…I’m simply, living each day as it comes, hoping more often than not, that the day ends quickly so that another can be over and done with. That I can be one more day closer to being well again.
I have little projects I’ve begun. Such as, crocheting. Crocheting might be fun, I just started on Thursday. I’m thinking about making a blanket. A big blanket. A big blanket that will take time to finish, that way, I have a project to do everyday for a while at least. I occasionally watch Ken Burns documentaries on NetFlix. That makes the time go by real fast. Except, I’ve found that laying in bed and wasting the day by watching tv, (which I rarely ever ever did before) really brings me down. Brings me down even more than I already am. Soooo…..I don’t want to do that anymore obviously. I want to be productive. Except, most of my ambitions seem silly since I really can’t fully enjoy any of them or do any of them without some pain or tiredness of some sort. BUT, I do like crocheting, music, and writing. So here I am. Hoping the time goes quickly as I begin a “blogging” site. Whoopee! My first blogging site. Its weird for me, because I usually stick to writing in a journal, or several journals, privately, never public. So this is going to be new for me being so open and honest to anonymous readers. Seems strange, but here I go….
Anywho, It’s now the third day, of the sixth week, about a month and half since the accident happened. Can’t believe I’m about half way through….well, sorta. I would be lying if I said this last month has flown by, because really, it hasn’t at all. The hours and hands on the clock creep by slowly. It kills me. Although one week, ONE week, flew by. But just one. I guess what kills me the most, is I know what is outside my room, my house. I know the life that I am missing out on. I feel it in my heart, and in every broken bone I have. I HEAR the life outside my house its that close. What a tease right? The summer. Summer of 2010. Expected to be phenomenal, as written in one journal entry I wrote in early May. HAH. I made up song dedicated just for this special summer of mine:
“Dear Summer of TwoThousand&Ten, please don’t ever ever happen again.”
I had hopes of surfing, sun bathing on the beach, playing in the water:pool or ocean, traveling to Rhode Island to see one of my dearest friends I haven’t seen in far too long, and honestly, just hopes of growing and living life and learning so much in my first year as a twenty year old. The summer of my twentieth year. The start of my new decade of life.
BUT we all know how my summer turned out:
Stressed about the struggles of taking a full load of summer school plus working like crazy, PLUS social life and meeting everyone’s needs to be there for them. Just stressed. When July 2nd came around, that was going to be the end to the stress and the start of my summer. To kick off this long awaited summer vacation, I was invited on a late night road trip to buy fireworks out in Moapa Valley, about an hour away from Vegas, for 4th of July. Little did I know this “kick off” celebration would last a total of twenty minutes or less before something happened that changed everything.
At 2:30am, my five friends and I was struck by a drunk driver. Long story short, everyone survived, minor injuries, and road abrasions. Oh and a totaled van as well. But me? I got the worst of the injuries…I guess mine wouldn’t be called so “minor.” I broke my pelvis in 3 different areas. Two fixed with surgery with an external fixater, and the other fixed with 2 pins inside my body at my sacrum. The result: 5 days in the hospital and 2 weeks at the rehab center. I’m not going to go into the details for times sake, but I basically had to relearn how to use and control on the muscles from my chest down. All were pretty much destroyed. After two weeks of rehab and more nurse care, I was released to go home! Best day of July for sure. Although I was released home, not all is fine and dandy. No no no.
Because of the pins in my sacrum and the external fixater, I am not allowed to have an weight on my right leg for 9 months. Meaning, no walking, no driving my car, no school ( because of complications in ride situations and surgeries), and no work. Therefore, I “hop” around using a walker and occasionally get a ride in my wheelchair. Imagine a 90 year old, skinny lady, hunched over pushing a walker….yeah thats pretty much what I look like and how fast I move. My mobility is very low. The highlight of my week, last week, was I put a 2 pound weight on my ankles and was able to lift up my legs. I’m so strong I know! Because I’m usually smiling in my pictures (just habit) pictures don’t do justice to how bad it really is and how bad I’ve been hurting.
But since my arrival home, almost a month now, (crazy to think…wow), not much exciting as happened. Each day is another day of resting and healing for my body. The highlight of my day includes: sunbathing, seeing the friendly faces that often visit me, and most of all, being loved and more importantly, I’ve been reassured, UNCONDITIONALLY, forever, loved by my family, especially my mom. She is a warrior and has helped me get through everything day by day, bad days by bad days. I love her so much. My grandma has come over everyday pretty much for a couple of hours to check on me as well. Both, so loving and caring.
How am I so blessed? I cannot begin to tell you or myself even, how I got so lucky I have the family I have. I knew before, but now I know more than EVER, that my family will always be there no matter what. Friends come and go, but family truly is a bond unlike any other. Its remarkable and I am so grateful for my family. For my dad and his beautiful wife, my step mom, Christie, that stayed with me overnight while I was in the hospital and is constantly checking on me and making sure I am comfortable and happy. Everyone offers so much love beyond what I deserve. For my east coast relatives that sent care packages over mail so that I could have activities to keep me busy and food treats to make my tummy happy; I cannot express enough my gratitude. Like I said before….I am just in awe of how much love, support and help my family continues to give. I only hope that when I am all better, hopefully a long ways away, when the people I love are hurt or in pain, I can be as much of a help and offer as much love back to them for all that they have done for me. LOVE YOU ALL<3
As this week begins, I know that it’ll be one more week down. That the days shall pass, good days and bad days. I will grow more and continue to heal externally and internally. Although I didn’t get the summer I had hoped and expected, I got so much more. I got the pain and struggles that come from every major life lesson and major hardships. Not only did my bones break in numerous areas, but so has my spirit and heart. I’ve been torn and twisted, tested and challenged, and have had to pick up the pieces of myself and put me back together again.
I have grown more in the last month, mentally, than I ever have before. My friendships were tested, my family was there when I needed them, (like I always hoped), and I learned, that no matter how many dark shadows are cast upon your life, I have to remember that those shadows only come from a light somewhere else. That everything DOES happen for reason. Ever since the crash, I’ve been trying and drilling and just, simply, wrapping my mind around WHY this happened. WHY me? WHY now? What did I do to deserve this? But honestly…its not about the reason or the why. Its about the overall accomplishment that comes from within the person. The way a person reacts and walks away from something. Its about the person themselves and the power inside that matters.
I believe this happened to me because I am strong enough to get through this. I am strong enough to walk away from this, enlightened, and not angry at the world. Not angry I decided to go out that night, not angry at the drunk driver. Because those are things that are out of my control…everyones control. I didn’t know this would happen when I left that late night, for all I thought, I was going out on a fun road trip out with awesome friends. NO. The world is in control of you, NOT you, not your actions. A higher force determines your life. You have little tips to follow the path it wants for you, sometimes you don’t listen to the voice and sometimes you do. Whatever you choose, the course of your life is already predetermined. So, I can’t sit around everyday being angry at things I had no way of controlling. I have to realize those things were meant to happen, and I have to take what I’ve been given and learn from them. And To learn for myself what they are first, then share my findings with others and hey, I believe its truly going to, and IS in the process of,
c h a n g i n g m y l i f e .
Changing my life for the better…without a doubt. I KNOW, by the time I turn 21 next May, after my final surgery in April, that I will be a completely different person. It’s already happened and is continuing to happen as we speak.
I’m excited for life. I’m excited for whats ahead. The next days, weeks, months, are going to be tough. But I know I can pull through and I know the reward at the end of all this will be worth all the pain and sorrow I’ve felt. It’s all too easy to drown in the complexities of sorrow and feel crappy about all that has happened. All that I am missing out on these next 9 months…. But that is no way to live life. Especially if you are given a sort of, second chance at life. SO….I can be happy for my experiences and yes, mourn for their passing, but relish in the fact that they happened. Easy as that, plain and simple, through happy thoughts and hopes for the future. Every long day that passes, every bad and good day, every challenge… little by little, I am healing. Choosing to embrace all that is good. Of course I get huge, uncontrollable pangs of sadness. (For loss, as you know, in numerous ways, is such a yucky feeling.) So I feel. And I cry. Cry for hours, let it all out. But then I pull myself together, shake it off. Write it down. And remind myself of all the good that surrounds me. And then I continue along my journey of recovery and I continue to grow and learn and become stronger. And that is precisely the path I am on today, and tomorrow and the next……
Love forever,
Kirsten
You’ve got to, laugh a little, cry a little, until the clouds roll by a little…
That’s the story of, that’s the glory of love….
No homework or school projects, no concerts or performances coming up, few friend visits to brighten my day-but no big social events to gossip about, no boyfriend or boy related things to think about or look forward to, no interesting stories to tell about what I learned in the world today…I’m simply, living each day as it comes, hoping more often than not, that the day ends quickly so that another can be over and done with. That I can be one more day closer to being well again.
I have little projects I’ve begun. Such as, crocheting. Crocheting might be fun, I just started on Thursday. I’m thinking about making a blanket. A big blanket. A big blanket that will take time to finish, that way, I have a project to do everyday for a while at least. I occasionally watch Ken Burns documentaries on NetFlix. That makes the time go by real fast. Except, I’ve found that laying in bed and wasting the day by watching tv, (which I rarely ever ever did before) really brings me down. Brings me down even more than I already am. Soooo…..I don’t want to do that anymore obviously. I want to be productive. Except, most of my ambitions seem silly since I really can’t fully enjoy any of them or do any of them without some pain or tiredness of some sort. BUT, I do like crocheting, music, and writing. So here I am. Hoping the time goes quickly as I begin a “blogging” site. Whoopee! My first blogging site. Its weird for me, because I usually stick to writing in a journal, or several journals, privately, never public. So this is going to be new for me being so open and honest to anonymous readers. Seems strange, but here I go….
Anywho, It’s now the third day, of the sixth week, about a month and half since the accident happened. Can’t believe I’m about half way through….well, sorta. I would be lying if I said this last month has flown by, because really, it hasn’t at all. The hours and hands on the clock creep by slowly. It kills me. Although one week, ONE week, flew by. But just one. I guess what kills me the most, is I know what is outside my room, my house. I know the life that I am missing out on. I feel it in my heart, and in every broken bone I have. I HEAR the life outside my house its that close. What a tease right? The summer. Summer of 2010. Expected to be phenomenal, as written in one journal entry I wrote in early May. HAH. I made up song dedicated just for this special summer of mine:
“Dear Summer of TwoThousand&Ten, please don’t ever ever happen again.”
I had hopes of surfing, sun bathing on the beach, playing in the water:pool or ocean, traveling to Rhode Island to see one of my dearest friends I haven’t seen in far too long, and honestly, just hopes of growing and living life and learning so much in my first year as a twenty year old. The summer of my twentieth year. The start of my new decade of life.
BUT we all know how my summer turned out:
Stressed about the struggles of taking a full load of summer school plus working like crazy, PLUS social life and meeting everyone’s needs to be there for them. Just stressed. When July 2nd came around, that was going to be the end to the stress and the start of my summer. To kick off this long awaited summer vacation, I was invited on a late night road trip to buy fireworks out in Moapa Valley, about an hour away from Vegas, for 4th of July. Little did I know this “kick off” celebration would last a total of twenty minutes or less before something happened that changed everything.
At 2:30am, my five friends and I was struck by a drunk driver. Long story short, everyone survived, minor injuries, and road abrasions. Oh and a totaled van as well. But me? I got the worst of the injuries…I guess mine wouldn’t be called so “minor.” I broke my pelvis in 3 different areas. Two fixed with surgery with an external fixater, and the other fixed with 2 pins inside my body at my sacrum. The result: 5 days in the hospital and 2 weeks at the rehab center. I’m not going to go into the details for times sake, but I basically had to relearn how to use and control on the muscles from my chest down. All were pretty much destroyed. After two weeks of rehab and more nurse care, I was released to go home! Best day of July for sure. Although I was released home, not all is fine and dandy. No no no.
Because of the pins in my sacrum and the external fixater, I am not allowed to have an weight on my right leg for 9 months. Meaning, no walking, no driving my car, no school ( because of complications in ride situations and surgeries), and no work. Therefore, I “hop” around using a walker and occasionally get a ride in my wheelchair. Imagine a 90 year old, skinny lady, hunched over pushing a walker….yeah thats pretty much what I look like and how fast I move. My mobility is very low. The highlight of my week, last week, was I put a 2 pound weight on my ankles and was able to lift up my legs. I’m so strong I know! Because I’m usually smiling in my pictures (just habit) pictures don’t do justice to how bad it really is and how bad I’ve been hurting.
But since my arrival home, almost a month now, (crazy to think…wow), not much exciting as happened. Each day is another day of resting and healing for my body. The highlight of my day includes: sunbathing, seeing the friendly faces that often visit me, and most of all, being loved and more importantly, I’ve been reassured, UNCONDITIONALLY, forever, loved by my family, especially my mom. She is a warrior and has helped me get through everything day by day, bad days by bad days. I love her so much. My grandma has come over everyday pretty much for a couple of hours to check on me as well. Both, so loving and caring.
How am I so blessed? I cannot begin to tell you or myself even, how I got so lucky I have the family I have. I knew before, but now I know more than EVER, that my family will always be there no matter what. Friends come and go, but family truly is a bond unlike any other. Its remarkable and I am so grateful for my family. For my dad and his beautiful wife, my step mom, Christie, that stayed with me overnight while I was in the hospital and is constantly checking on me and making sure I am comfortable and happy. Everyone offers so much love beyond what I deserve. For my east coast relatives that sent care packages over mail so that I could have activities to keep me busy and food treats to make my tummy happy; I cannot express enough my gratitude. Like I said before….I am just in awe of how much love, support and help my family continues to give. I only hope that when I am all better, hopefully a long ways away, when the people I love are hurt or in pain, I can be as much of a help and offer as much love back to them for all that they have done for me. LOVE YOU ALL<3
As this week begins, I know that it’ll be one more week down. That the days shall pass, good days and bad days. I will grow more and continue to heal externally and internally. Although I didn’t get the summer I had hoped and expected, I got so much more. I got the pain and struggles that come from every major life lesson and major hardships. Not only did my bones break in numerous areas, but so has my spirit and heart. I’ve been torn and twisted, tested and challenged, and have had to pick up the pieces of myself and put me back together again.
I have grown more in the last month, mentally, than I ever have before. My friendships were tested, my family was there when I needed them, (like I always hoped), and I learned, that no matter how many dark shadows are cast upon your life, I have to remember that those shadows only come from a light somewhere else. That everything DOES happen for reason. Ever since the crash, I’ve been trying and drilling and just, simply, wrapping my mind around WHY this happened. WHY me? WHY now? What did I do to deserve this? But honestly…its not about the reason or the why. Its about the overall accomplishment that comes from within the person. The way a person reacts and walks away from something. Its about the person themselves and the power inside that matters.
I believe this happened to me because I am strong enough to get through this. I am strong enough to walk away from this, enlightened, and not angry at the world. Not angry I decided to go out that night, not angry at the drunk driver. Because those are things that are out of my control…everyones control. I didn’t know this would happen when I left that late night, for all I thought, I was going out on a fun road trip out with awesome friends. NO. The world is in control of you, NOT you, not your actions. A higher force determines your life. You have little tips to follow the path it wants for you, sometimes you don’t listen to the voice and sometimes you do. Whatever you choose, the course of your life is already predetermined. So, I can’t sit around everyday being angry at things I had no way of controlling. I have to realize those things were meant to happen, and I have to take what I’ve been given and learn from them. And To learn for myself what they are first, then share my findings with others and hey, I believe its truly going to, and IS in the process of,
c h a n g i n g m y l i f e .
Changing my life for the better…without a doubt. I KNOW, by the time I turn 21 next May, after my final surgery in April, that I will be a completely different person. It’s already happened and is continuing to happen as we speak.
I’m excited for life. I’m excited for whats ahead. The next days, weeks, months, are going to be tough. But I know I can pull through and I know the reward at the end of all this will be worth all the pain and sorrow I’ve felt. It’s all too easy to drown in the complexities of sorrow and feel crappy about all that has happened. All that I am missing out on these next 9 months…. But that is no way to live life. Especially if you are given a sort of, second chance at life. SO….I can be happy for my experiences and yes, mourn for their passing, but relish in the fact that they happened. Easy as that, plain and simple, through happy thoughts and hopes for the future. Every long day that passes, every bad and good day, every challenge… little by little, I am healing. Choosing to embrace all that is good. Of course I get huge, uncontrollable pangs of sadness. (For loss, as you know, in numerous ways, is such a yucky feeling.) So I feel. And I cry. Cry for hours, let it all out. But then I pull myself together, shake it off. Write it down. And remind myself of all the good that surrounds me. And then I continue along my journey of recovery and I continue to grow and learn and become stronger. And that is precisely the path I am on today, and tomorrow and the next……
Love forever,
Kirsten
You’ve got to, laugh a little, cry a little, until the clouds roll by a little…
That’s the story of, that’s the glory of love….
You are an incredibly courageous young woman. I am so sorry you have had to go through this...however, your attitude is remarkable. Your parents & family must be so proud of you! You keep your chin up and know that you are in our prayers continually. Thank you for your inspiring words in your blog...(I will pass them along to Alexis)
ReplyDeleteMuch love and quick healing!
Pam
I am so proud to be your Auntie :) Love you TONS. You have a strong, beautiful soul, and God has blessed you with the best mom in the world. A lesser person might allow an injury, and change in course like this, to alter their innermost being. It's OK to be angry, sad and to hurt. The key is to not allow it to take over, and ruin the next phase of your life. You WILL heal. You WILL move on. You MUST remember that you have many, many, many, MANY more wonderful summers ahead of you. <3 Danielle
ReplyDelete